Tie a knot and hang on

Most of us have heard of the saying, “When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on,” right? It’s meant as an encouragement, I understand. But to the grieving it is poor advice and can be, in fact, quite discouraging. It’s discouraging because those who are grieving often feel...

It’s too much

I'm not in a good head space. I wish I could say I had a better attitude, but the truth is that I hate this. I hate being homeless, relying on one friend or another to put us up. I hate not knowing where my family and I will be sleeping on any given day....

A grief Connections game

Numb Disbelieving Sad Broken Hopeful Loved Missed Aching Memories I've played the NYT Connections game for many months. The object of the game is to "connect" together groups of four items that share something in common. It's not always obvious how the four words are connected. It can be frustrating and hard at times. In...

A big, fat failure

You Don't Suck. This was the subject line of an email in my inbox the other day. It came unexpectedly, and little did the author know how desperately I needed to hear his words. I stumbled upon Asperger Experts from an online ad, of all things. Desperation will do that, you know. I've listened to...

Where are the words?

Type, backspace, type, backspace. All these letters, but no words. Begin. Erase. Begin again. How do I begin to put into intelligible words the things I've been trying to process for the past six weeks? Processing heavy stuff takes time. Digesting hard news is, well, hard. After a year and a half long wait, we...

Twelve empty birthdays

I've been wanting to sit down and write for weeks. But life is busy. It's filled with other hard things and other amazing joys and moments that take my breath away. These moments are filled with indescribable love and grief. They are moments which feel sacred, as if I'm holding treasure in the palms of...