One mother-less year: A death date anniversary.

Oct. 10th, 2018. 10pm - My phone rings. I see my sister Cathy's name and number and immediately know something is up. She NEVER calls after 8pm. Never. I hear the words, "Mom's been hit by a car." I'm thinking, "What?! What do you mean she's been hit by a car? She's on vacation with...

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The sound of marching grief steps

It's Sunday, almost midnight, and each day closer to the 10th of October falls heavy like an advancing enemy army. The approaching grief steps toward the one year anniversary of the day my precious mother died stomp like the sound of thunder on my heart. I lie sleepless for too many hours each night, my...

The if onlys once again

One year ago today, Friday, my mother and her husband of 16 months left on a tour bus vacation headed east. Never in a million years did I think she wouldn't be coming back. I want to scream, but it's like in a dream where you try to scream but can't. They were supposed to...

To the grieving, cut yourself some slack

It's midnight, and I have to be up at 6am. Today is a momentous day, the first day of public school for our youngest child. I cannot sleep. My mind refuses to shut down. There are so many things I want to tell my mom. This sleeplessness is killer. I've been here before, and it...

Life seasons, back to homeschool, and grief in the middle

We begin our 19th year of homeschooling today. It's been eighteen years in the thick of it, eighteen years of discipline, of morning after morning after morning of "stick to it-iveness." I look back over these 18 years and wonder at how our philosophy on education, parenting, and life has changed since we began in...

A teenage driving faith

Child #5 completes Driver's Ed training this morning. I. can't. even. #deepbreaths Disbelief and trepidation wrestle atop my thoughts, and I wonder whether excitement and faith will claim a "King of the Hill" victory on this mountain of emotions. Here we go again. Another child behind the wheel. Another test of faith and trust in...

2922 days…and counting

2922 days. That's how long it's been since I've seen your face or heard your voice. Eight years since I've watched you saunter into the kitchen looking for food or heard the cupboard door open in anticipation of pouring yourself a box of Honey Bunches of Oats cereal. Oh, Matt. There are, still, no words...

The crushing of approaching time

As I write this, we are exactly one week out from the worst day of our lives, a day I never want to relive. Eight years ago on July 29th, 2011, our 16 year old son, our oldest child, died. My Mateo. Matthew. Matt. His name means "Gift of God." And that he was. IS. ...

The dark nights

"...we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life;..." (2 Cor. 1:8b) Have you been there, friend? Have you been burdened excessively, beyond your strength? Has the burden been so much so that you despaired of life?  I have. More than once. A night last month was one of those...