Declares the LORD

This was my mom’s favorite verse. It was a “GodNod” to me as I read it in one of my YouVersion Bible app devotional plans this morning. But I’ll be honest. Some of God’s word scrapes raw on me. “…plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” Well,...

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The calendar of grief

I knew it yesterday. I knew it the week before. It was coming, this anniversary, this mark of dread, this day. This is the day my life fell apart, once again. My world shaken, broken, scattered into a million-gazillion pieces. The disbelief and shock remain. They haven’t lessened. In fact, my mom’s absence seems more...

For the broken and hurting today (on Christmas)

For the broken and hurting today (on Christmas), I want you to know this: That while a good majority of people are happily celebrating Christmas with their families today, I know that a great majority are weeping for those who no longer sit at the table. I am one of those who weep, whose heart...

When everything comes crashing down

You know all those plates you're spinning, my friend? They started out pretty cool, I know. At first, it was fun. It was exciting. Everything was humming along, and you had it all under control. But somewhere along the way, a plate started to wobble. Things weren't going so smoothly anymore and little by little,...

The thorn of child loss

"I learned…that the grace of God is sufficient, as He said, but I also learned that grace is not an anesthetic. The hours and days and even months that followed Ned’s death were so intense with pain that, looking back, I wonder that we did not die. The hurt was so great, the suffering so...

Refusing to accept reality

I keep trying to process this loss, but my mind just refuses to believe the truth. Countless times a day, I catch myself picking up the phone to call my mom. A thousand times, I pull up my Gmail to start an email to her. I begin to text my mom, only to have reality...

Crying Over Spilled Pork Chops

I just threw $8 worth of pork chops in the garbage because I just couldn’t muster the energy to open the package, throw them into a pan, turn on the oven and bake them. They’ve been sitting in the refrigerator for three days. Four Wednesdays ago, my mother was alive. Four Wednesdays ago I received...

Thoughts on Job and grief

How long did Job sit in the dust, I wonder? How long did he wrestle with his thoughts? His friends were only silent for a week before striving to assert they knew the reason for his suffering. How long was God silent before He answered Job? As I often heard a Precept Bible study leader...

Carried by the body of Christ

I try to write. I try to put into words what this grief is like, but there are no words. There is no strength. There is no hope. There are no prayers. There is nothing but weakness, disbelief, and deep, abiding sorrow. There is anger. Confusion. Feelings of betrayal, distrust. This does not feel like...